Wednesday, April 13, 2011

So, Are You Pregnant Yet?

I've been sick for the past week, as in swimming in my own vomit kind of sick (lovely image I know), plus side is that I've lost about eight pounds the down side that now I'm pregnant. *dramatic pause*

I'm not pregnant, but there is an assumption that when you're 25 and have been married for over a year that the next logical step is to put a bun in the oven, become a baby incubator if you will. Maybe some of you more logical individuals will say "Hey, your still young, don't worry about it, you've got PLENTY of time" to you I say..I live in the freakin SOUTH!!!! Having a baby in your early 20's is almost a requirement to being a woman! 

I get to hear wonderful gems like "Don't wait too long" in a worried tone, as if my uterus is going to fall out the moment I hit 30.

Even better is the classic "If you don't use if you'll loose it"...does this me my baby factory will shut down due to a lack of production? Well shit, I guess that means the economy is messing everything up then isn't it?

My personal favorite is "You don't want to be so old that you can't enjoy raising your kids" This implies that I'm going to be broken down and rotting away by the time I hit my forties. I can just picture it, my ten year old will want to play baseball and from my rocking chair, I'll sigh and say "I'm sorry child but I'm just too old..I'm forty you know, soon I'll be gone, oh if only I hadn't waited so long to become a mother!"

What this rant boils down too is that I'm not opposed to having kids, I'll be a kickass mom!! But I have complete control of when and if I become that kickass mom and no amount of guilt or worry is going to change that.  I'll freely admit that I get a twitch in my uterus when I see a cute baby, an adorable pair of baby converse or a commercial for some over priced baby product...and that twitchy uterus leads to baby fever and for a brief moment I think, wow, I totally want a baby. But that passes when logic comes back into play.

Can we talk about baby fever for a second? That sneaky bitch is a pain. When you get baby fever you briefly lose logic, you don't think about late nights, smelly diapers, projectile vomit or an 18 year commitment, all you can think of is baby names, nursery themes, baby cloths, how your kid is going to be so smart..etc. Baby fever is like Gods way of making sure the species gets repopulated, cause if you really really thought about it..babies are kinda gross.

Did you know that after a woman gives birth a hormone in her brain causes her to forget/or minimize the pain of child birth!! ANOTHER trick that keeps us popping out babies!
In conclusion: I'm not a baby hater, I love kids and I can't wait to be a mother...someday. Who knows, I could have a kid and not care about the grossness of it all, but right now I'm good with taking care of a husband and two dogs.
My uterus is twitching...


Anonymous said...

People love to meddle in the birthing decisions of others. I had one daughter and heard forever that I really needed to have more children. I don't understand why people think this is acceptable behavior. You are smart and get to decide.

June with a Cleaver said...

You are completely right, it's as if your uterus is fair game when it comes to having babies.

Katie said...

this post has me down to a tee, right down to the husband and two dogs.

June with a Cleaver said...

Oh my gosh, Katie, what if I AM you!? Just like an alternate universe version of you? Tell me, do you ever have dreams about fighting clowns?

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